Whilst the weather is bad Mecannylad likes to make it my business to pop by dear old Hilda’s cottage on the way back from my morning errands.
Yesterday I found my favourite octogenarian massaging the back of her knee with a pink vibrator of all things. Hilda had picked the bloody thing up from the clearance counter at Boots in Bakewell the other week.
‘I’ve read about these.’ she told Mecannylad, ‘They’re supposed to be very good for arthritis.’
Cheezuz; I felt I needed to justify why my jaw had just dropped and had no option other than to explain what such things were really meant for.
I could sense Hilda was deep in thought.
...... a ‘Well, I never’ was all I got .
Got to admit to cutting up a couple of dawdling Bradley Wiggins and spraying them with icy slush as I was motoring through Hope Valley this morning.
Isn’t it funny how a lack of vocabulary needn’t be such a handicap when one is being offensive ?
Mecannylad and my new fancy telescope have been impatiently waiting three weeks now for a clear night over the Peak District.
Even though I have frozen my b*****ks off (and been frightened shitless by low-flying owls ...aren't they big buggas?) I am chuffed to bits at having seen such a stunning moon with my own eyes last night.
For a seasoned insomniac this astronomy lark is becoming quite intoxicating.
Mecannylad hadn’t bumped into our Village Queen of Spoonerisms and my favourite octogenarian Hilda since well before Xmas when I came across her in the local Post Office yesterday.
Naturally we had quite a bit to catch up on and you never quite know what to expect from Hilda. We quickly got over the New Year pleasantries and then for some strange reason she started to rabbit on about her long lost mother and how they once lived next door to DH Lawrence in Eastwood when she was a youngster.
“You know who DH Lawrence was don’t you?” demanded Hilda...... “He wrote that famous dirty book you know ..... Sadie Chatterley’s Lodger.”
Thanks for that Hilda ..... I wonder if they do it in Kindle !
In the absence of the right sort of weather conditions, about this time in January some 55 years ago Mecannylad vividly remembers impatience getting the better of me when I trashed my new Xmas present from my parent's by putting a set of old pram wheels on a lovely traditional wooden Alpine sledge.
Boy did I get the s*** knocked out of me by my father.
I tell you .... If the bloody skies don't clear soon that old impetuosity is likely to take hold of me again.
Just watch out for a wheeled telescope of Hubblesque proportions careering around the Peak District.
F*** off clouds will you; Mecannylad has got some serious stargazing to do.