December 2012 | Mecannylad

Even with the obligatory enhancement of retro-fitted headlights she’s still just a battered old Transit.

It's that time of year when we have to suffer the inconvenience of temporary barmaids.

You're in for an eyeful if ever you come down to Mecannylad's Peak District local in the next couple of weeks.

What a stunner.

Hair arranged with a pitchfork; blouse worn only for ventilation purposes: the demeanour of a woman who thinks she’s left the gas on at home.

Bless .... even with the obligatory enhancement of retro-fitted headlights she’s still just a battered old Transit.

Thank the Christ it's only for Xmas.

Only real men wear tights.

There are some things that never look good on a grown man ..... three-quarter length cargo shorts spring to mind.

Now I”ve heard news of a frightening new trend — male leggings. Cheezuz. By all accounts they are about to be the must have fashion accessory for 2013.

Thank God Mecannylad has passed the stage of being a ‘Dedicated Follower of Fashion.’

Come on. No man - and certainly no Geordie - is ever going to feel good going to the pub in bloody leggings.

To be honest, very few women feel good in them either ...... Isn’t that why they invariably co-ordinate a shapeless baggy sweater ?

If this silly ‘man leggings’ trend does infact take off what’s the betting that Marks and Spencer start selling cricket boxes.

After all .... only real men wear tights.

S&M Geordie style.

“Are you sure you can take the pain?” Mecannylass demanded, brandishing a new Victoria Beckham patent leather belt she had just bought herself for Christmas from Harvey Nichols in Manchester.

“OK. punish me; make me suffer like only a real woman can” I whispered submissively.

“You're worth it.” she pouted in her sexy Cheryl Cole tones.

........ Mecannylass then showed me the receipt.

MECANNYLAD : THE EARLY YEARS

And so it passed, Mecannylad was born amongst the bullrushes on the banks of the River Tyne in the Geordie citadel of Byker.

And it begat they first thought I might have musical tendancies as all my mother did during her pregnanacy was listen to Sing Something Simple on the wireless.They were wrong.

Times were tough but even if I have to say it myself I was a pretty bright kid at school. I remember passing my eleven-plus when I was ten, passing my GCE's at fifteen ..... and passing water in my sleep when I was sixteen.

This personal plumbing problem coupled with south facing bedroom windows and hot chimney breasts meant there always seemed to be a rainbow around my shoulder.

When I was nineteen I went to Oxford ..... to see my beloved Newcastle United lose to Oxford United. My education was completed in the toilet on the Flying Scotsman back home to Newcastle by an ambidextrous woman I`d met in the buffet bar.

Fast forward forty six years ......

MECANNYLAD NOW

Everyone knows everybody elses`s business here in the glorious Peak District village of Eyam. Infact, each and every villager seems to have the right to know everyone else`s bloody business ..... and woe betide anyone who thinks otherwise.

Mecannylad can go into the pub on a Friday night wearing a new pair of socks.
By Saturday morning all the locals out on the High Street will know not just what colour they are, but what size they are too ... and how much they cost !

Everybody and everything is fair game. There are no bloody secrets around here. None whatsoever !

SO WHAT EXACTLY IS A CANNY LAD THEN ?

In and around the North East of England it is vaguely complimentary to be considered `canny`.

A `cannylad` or a `cannylass` would have something good about them. They might be pleasant, kind, fun, caring, loving, careful ... good looking even!
Nobody is quite sure what nevertheless!!

A `Geordie` is a native of Newcastle upon Tyne .... and of course a `Townie` strangely enjoys the feeling of concrete under their feet rather than grass.

Not a lot of people know that the majestic Peak District, where Mecannylad is now undertaking his voluntary missionary work, is the second most visited National Park in the world - yes, the world - with an estimated twenty two million visitors every year.