October 2012 | Mecannylad

The Case of the Curious Fence

Regular readers of Mecannylad will be familiar with the spoonerisms from dear old Hilda.

Never one to disappoint, only yesterday, Hilda took great delight in telling all and sundry in the village Post Office that she has had a man around to tantalise her new wooden garden fence.

Bless ........ I think she means that her fence was made from tanalised timber.

I don't believe her.

Mecannylass refuses to see anything other than our neighbour's fluffy puppy in this image ........ pull the other one !!

In heaven without dying.

Thankfully the eternal demise of Hilda, my favourite village elder, is nothing but a naughty piece of meddling.

I bumped into her in the Post Office this morning. She was bright eyed and bushy tailed.

“Why should I pop my clogs” says Hilda.“Living in the Peak District is already like being in heaven .... without all the bother and expense of dying.”

Well said old girl.

I think it might be time for Mecannylad to treat Mecannylass to a big night out in the city.

Poor bugger; I suspect she’s slipping into a rut here in the hills.

What makes me say that? .... you may ask.

Well ..... nowadays she tends to be getting excited over the funniest little thing ...... like the latest pattern on her favourite kitchen roll.

Can't be doing with that.

The worst insult ever.

Cheezuz ...... If there’s a worst insult Mecannylad doesn’t know of it.

I have just been told by my drinking pal in the village pub that he’d trust his wife to spend an evening alone with me !!!!

Funny Cow

Mecannylad has lost count the number of times this particular local farmhand keeps telling me, "Did you know son? You can lead a cow upstairs but you can never lead a cow downstairs"

It always makes me smile.

Not so much the repetition or the fact that he insists on calling me son when I am at least twenty years his senior.

I feel sorry for the poor bugger who first found this out the hard way.

"Come on Daisy, down you go, there's a good girl"

Elephantitus in the Peak District

Bloody hell; must tell you, Mecannylad attended one of our village socials the other night. Oh my God,when will they ever learn ?

What looks good on nubile fashion models in the Sunday Supplements is not necessarily right for the more - how can I put it - agricultural type of lady who lives here in the Peak District.

They all seem to suffer from elephantitus in their knees.

MECANNYLAD : THE EARLY YEARS

And so it passed, Mecannylad was born amongst the bullrushes on the banks of the River Tyne in the Geordie citadel of Byker.

And it begat they first thought I might have musical tendancies as all my mother did during her pregnanacy was listen to Sing Something Simple on the wireless.They were wrong.

Times were tough but even if I have to say it myself I was a pretty bright kid at school. I remember passing my eleven-plus when I was ten, passing my GCE's at fifteen ..... and passing water in my sleep when I was sixteen.

This personal plumbing problem coupled with south facing bedroom windows and hot chimney breasts meant there always seemed to be a rainbow around my shoulder.

When I was nineteen I went to Oxford ..... to see my beloved Newcastle United lose to Oxford United. My education was completed in the toilet on the Flying Scotsman back home to Newcastle by an ambidextrous woman I`d met in the buffet bar.

Fast forward forty six years ......

MECANNYLAD NOW

Everyone knows everybody elses`s business here in the glorious Peak District village of Eyam. Infact, each and every villager seems to have the right to know everyone else`s bloody business ..... and woe betide anyone who thinks otherwise.

Mecannylad can go into the pub on a Friday night wearing a new pair of socks.
By Saturday morning all the locals out on the High Street will know not just what colour they are, but what size they are too ... and how much they cost !

Everybody and everything is fair game. There are no bloody secrets around here. None whatsoever !

SO WHAT EXACTLY IS A CANNY LAD THEN ?

In and around the North East of England it is vaguely complimentary to be considered `canny`.

A `cannylad` or a `cannylass` would have something good about them. They might be pleasant, kind, fun, caring, loving, careful ... good looking even!
Nobody is quite sure what nevertheless!!

A `Geordie` is a native of Newcastle upon Tyne .... and of course a `Townie` strangely enjoys the feeling of concrete under their feet rather than grass.

Not a lot of people know that the majestic Peak District, where Mecannylad is now undertaking his voluntary missionary work, is the second most visited National Park in the world - yes, the world - with an estimated twenty two million visitors every year.