August 2012 | Mecannylad

Wheelie Bins and Genitalia.

Mecannylass has been curiously spending a couple of lazy hours e-jogging along the lanes around our village courtesy of Google Streetview.

Talking of Streetview, I can't get over how sensitive the snobby Peak District movers and shakers are just because full frontal shots of their beloved piles are online for all to see.

Typical ...the self same Ladies of the Manor who are quite happy to have a sneaky look at the images showing Prince Harry’s royal genitalia on the internet .... but are outraged at the thought of others catching a glimpse of their wheelie bins.

Double standards if you ask me.

Handcuffs, whips and the village octogenarian

Mecannnylad bumped into dear old Hilda in our village post office earlier today. She’s proud to tell anyone who wants to listen that she has just finished reading Fifty Shades of Grey and is into ‘it’ so much she is now about to tackle the two sequels.

“But it’s nothing I haven’t read before” declared our favourite octogenarian,

“Fifty Shades is no more than Barbara Cartland with handcuffs ..... or Mills and Boon with whips” she added.

We believe you Hilda ... we believe you. Just don’t get too excited ... It’s not good for you at your age.

Tips on People Watching in the Peak District

It’s peak people-watching time for the local menfolk here in the holiday hotspot that is Eyam in August.

But beware all you beginners. Mecannylad has got to tell you, as a seasoned connoisseur of pretty tourists, a promising rear view can often disguise a disappointment known locally as a ‘BOB-FOC‘ ...... a Body off Baywatch but a Face off Crimewatch. Or they could similarly be a ‘Kronenbourg 1664’ ..... 16 from the back but 64 from the front.

That reminds me .... must get my eyes tested.

Keepy-Uppy with Stanley Matthews

Somehow Mecannylad can’t imagine Winston Churchill ever resorting to playing keepy-uppy with Stanley Matthews on the cobbles outside Downing Street .... so why on earth are our present day plonker politicians intent on courting favour with the Team GB Olympic gold medallists.

Bloody fawning fools the lot of them ..... politicians I mean.

Rupture or hernia ?

There was this pretentious twazzock of a tourist banging on in our village local the other day about the difference between a hernia and a rupture. Big bloody deal..... I don't think either would stop me from downing a pint of bitter.

It got Mecannylad thinking though. Funny how I’ve never actually heard of anyone suffering from a rupture for many a long year.

It must be one of those fashionable afflictions from the 50's and 60's .... along with the likes of scrofula, and quincy.

I remember Mecannygrandad regularly had em all; and they didn't stop him from downing his Brown Ale either.

The Lactic Acid Effect

Hearing TV sport’s pundits talk of the lactic acid build-up and other Olympian pain barriers Mecannylass has been wondering just what she has to do to experience such a sensation.

I don’t think she’s ever come close if you ask me.

This has been a rotten fortnight to be a bigot.

London 2012 has shown that healthy, red-blooded British patriotism doesn’t need to preclude sportsmanship or decency and that we can love our own country without hating somebody else’s.

The English Premiership football season starts next week .... lets hope a little of this lovely olympic spirit rubs off on the spotty faced prima-donna footballers and the great unwashed who view the so called beautiful game as nothing other than tribal conflict.

A forlorn hope Mecannylad thinks.

On ya bike.

Chuffed as Mecannylad is with our Team GB Olympic cycling successes, there is a downside.

Utter misery in the Peak District as our lanes are choaked with non road tax-paying Bradley Wiggins lookalikes ..... all giving Lycra a bad name of course.

MECANNYLAD : THE EARLY YEARS

And so it passed, Mecannylad was born amongst the bullrushes on the banks of the River Tyne in the Geordie citadel of Byker.

And it begat they first thought I might have musical tendancies as all my mother did during her pregnanacy was listen to Sing Something Simple on the wireless.They were wrong.

Times were tough but even if I have to say it myself I was a pretty bright kid at school. I remember passing my eleven-plus when I was ten, passing my GCE's at fifteen ..... and passing water in my sleep when I was sixteen.

This personal plumbing problem coupled with south facing bedroom windows and hot chimney breasts meant there always seemed to be a rainbow around my shoulder.

When I was nineteen I went to Oxford ..... to see my beloved Newcastle United lose to Oxford United. My education was completed in the toilet on the Flying Scotsman back home to Newcastle by an ambidextrous woman I`d met in the buffet bar.

Fast forward forty six years ......

MECANNYLAD NOW

Everyone knows everybody elses`s business here in the glorious Peak District village of Eyam. Infact, each and every villager seems to have the right to know everyone else`s bloody business ..... and woe betide anyone who thinks otherwise.

Mecannylad can go into the pub on a Friday night wearing a new pair of socks.
By Saturday morning all the locals out on the High Street will know not just what colour they are, but what size they are too ... and how much they cost !

Everybody and everything is fair game. There are no bloody secrets around here. None whatsoever !

SO WHAT EXACTLY IS A CANNY LAD THEN ?

In and around the North East of England it is vaguely complimentary to be considered `canny`.

A `cannylad` or a `cannylass` would have something good about them. They might be pleasant, kind, fun, caring, loving, careful ... good looking even!
Nobody is quite sure what nevertheless!!

A `Geordie` is a native of Newcastle upon Tyne .... and of course a `Townie` strangely enjoys the feeling of concrete under their feet rather than grass.

Not a lot of people know that the majestic Peak District, where Mecannylad is now undertaking his voluntary missionary work, is the second most visited National Park in the world - yes, the world - with an estimated twenty two million visitors every year.