Are my seams straight ?

I bumped into dear Hilda as she was walking home from her monthly village WI lunch the other day. Mecannylad has to admire the old stick for still trying hard to look her best .... mind you, the rouge is somewhat haphazardly troweled on. But hey, that’s the way it was in the good old days. (So they tell me.) 


At least  Hilda has now stopped drawing pencil marks down the back of her legs so she looks like she's wearing nylon stockings.

180 !

Cheezuz. It's raining yet again. This lousy,wash-out of a summer is getting a lot of people down here in the Peak District; so when I told Mecannylass that I had been looking at cheap flights on the internet she got all excited.

Frankly she should know me better by now; but I still found it extremely awkward admitting that they were simply flights for my favourite darts.

Digestive biscuits and Viagra

Out of the blue, Mecannylass announced that she had read somewhere about Viagra now being available in powder form to put in your tea.

There’s nowt wrong with me in that department yet pet .... but if it stops my digestive biscuits going soft then I’m happy to give it a go.

Got to tell you, I`m as excited as a gent`s outfitter measuring an inside leg.

Mecannylad`s sitting room is as organised as Churchill`s funeral; I`ve caught up with my chores and I`m in credit with my Brownie points...... Only 13 days to go before wall to wall Olympic TV coverage. Can`t wait.

Back to school with Ann Summers

I don’t like shopping at the best of times so when Mecannylass took me for a reluctant day trip to the Trafford Centre, I tell you, I was in one hell of a fettle.

Mind you, I had my eyes opened.

Judging by the age of the shoppers who were heading in and out of the Ann Summers store Mecannylad is convinced that they must have had a ‘back to school’ sale on.

Offside !

Mecannylad has noticed that Liverpool’s change kit for the new 2012/13 football season has just been announced.

Black shirts, Black shorts, Black socks .... and a whistle probably.

It just goes to show you .... nobody helps you when you're f****d.

Another rain sodden day in the Peak District yet Mecannylad is still in a strangely philosophical frame of mind; perhaps I've been watching too many feel-good movies on daytime TV.

Isn't it funny how,before sex, on-screen lovers tend to help one another get undressed ... yet afterwards only dress themselves.

Cheezuz Christ.I should get out more ... even in the rain.

For sale: pre-owned knickers; one careful owner, only worn to church on Sundays.

Mecannylad has read that our UK Government is launching a campaign to persuade us Brits not to bin our old underwear. The Environment Secretary is backing ‘Operation Knicker Elastic’ to encourage women to donate their used lingerie to Oxfam. Be honest, can you see anyone wanting to buy a pair of second-hand unmentionables ... even from a charity shop? 

We’re not talking Victoria’s Secret here  ... more likely washed out Sloggi’s.


Typical. As our country is on its knees through the actions of greedy bankers; our government debates the merits of recycling our second-hand underwear.

OK, so Mecannylass tells me I am no more than the Billy Graham of banal shite.

Talking of such stuff; in my opinion the shittiest town in the Peak District has to be Buxton. No ifs, no buts. It might boast of it’s spring water and spa status ... but honestly it’s an awful dump ... with a capital D.

Infact, any pride the locals have must surely take a bit of a knock when they find out that even Eritrean asylum seekers are supporting charity aid for the Opera House in Buxton.

Ladies knickers and fresh broccoli

Mecannylad hadn’t seen our favourite village octogenarian out and about for a day or two so when I bumped into her getting off the bus from town I had to give her a hand. Bless her, she was struggling with a heavy Marks and Spencer carrier bag.

“What do you think of M & S these days then Hilda?” I gently enquired.

“I think their ladies knickers have dropped off a bit son,” snapped the grumpy old dear, 

“ but I can't fault their organic broccoli.”

Nice one Hilda.

She’s a little bugger at times; just as well I can read her like a book.

Mecannylass was in a hell of a mood with me this morning over breakfast. Following a difference of opinion on what we should do with our day she indignantly ended up telling me I could do what the hell I liked .... anything I wanted. 

Just like pulling the plug out of the bath and telling the water it can go anyway it wants I suppose ?

Smile please.

Mecannylad is becoming quite an expert at taking photographs for tourists with their own camera as they pose in front of the various attractions in our little historic village. I don't mind really.

I was stopped and asked to do the honours again only yesterday .... it was a little different this time nevertheless. The tourists were a couple of Muslim women, both dressed in their burkas.

I could hardly ask them to smile could I? Never mind; job done.

Getting in a lather.

Mecannylad can't be done with all this hanky panky that goes on these days in full public view on our village green. It's getting me in quite a lather. Honestly, a decent old man can't go about his chores without clapping eyes on randy young tourists slobbering all over one another. Is it something in the Derbyshire air ? .... believe me, it's like having a walk-on part in a low budget porno film.

Oh for a return to the good old fashioned values when a sneaky peck on the cheek was as much as you would dare expect to get away with.

Now where was I ?